I spent today outside, walking, as I clearly had nothing better to do. Afraid to bother my friends, not willing to make conversation with my parents, and very, very not up to trying to help Jeremy through the merciless drama that he continually causes himself.
I went to Kapolei Park. While I was there, I started up the hill of a mountain in the middle of it. Granted it was private property, no one's never around. Just after breaking through the first threshold of foliage and lush blockades of leaves alike, there's a little opening; a very non-interesting, anything but surreal, large pool of water. Something about this murky, uncared for, clearly not having been attended to in any length of recent time that would matter, I thought it was beautiful.
It was cloudy at the moment, so there were no reflections of bountiful clouds that fill the skies. No sun to give it an aura of majesty. The green growth that embraced its every side didn't provide anything that would make it any more alluring. It was just... water. Dirtied by where it lay; impure by nature.
So as I sat at it's edge, hugging my knees to my chest, I watched the wind move it's surface, gently mutating its shape into smooth, subtle surges until it silently rushed against the dirt, and subsided once more. I really haven't the slightest how long I sat there. Three hours? Maybe four? Five?
I watched nothing but the water. I watched it swell and settle, time after time. I watched how no matter which way the water twisted, it was always the same, soiled, unsightly substance. And under every ounce of impurity in the pool, it was uncontroversially the ocean's equal. The infinitely breathtaking ocean, and the defiled little puddle, were one and the same; only separated by varying elevations, and unique barricades holding each in their places.
And then I thought about love. Trust. Relations. Bonds. Things that tied one person, to dozens more. Thoughts built, and I thought about my friends, the ones I thought were my friends, and the ones that could be. How if I didn't just see them as names, print on paper, meaningless, that they could be beautiful; wonderful, perfection. The simple, uninteresting Linda, Nicole, Brannon, Miles, Grant, Shawn, Anna... The ones I'd never bothered to really get to know. Though I'd helped them all through hard times, I'd never heard anything about /them/. I'd never really gave much thought about it.
I leaned forward slightly, and I could see myself hovering below me. My unfocused, confused eyes. My hair slightly hiding them, lower layers resting down the sides of my jeans. My bottom lip that my teeth were lightly biting into, which I released upon realization. The water was still now, the breeze had ceased without my notice. And as I stared into the water, the sun emerged behind a macabre, billowing cloud. In that moment, the water turned an almost... blue. It was faded, but it was there. The blue of the majestic ocean was in my small, wretched little pond. I took my gaze away from the water itself, and saw my reflection once again, and noticed the smile tugging at my lips.

I almost stayed inside today, I almost didn't go walking.
I almost didn't go to the park, I almost didn't veer right.
I almost went to the flourishing tree, I almost went to see the bunker.
...I almost didn't even bother to /acknowledge/ the water.

But I did.

I saw the water, I saw it's beauty.
I saw absolute equality, I saw the hope in chance.
I saw normality, I saw how it could be breathtaking.
...I saw that I wanted to brush potential aside,
And search for that something that I already knew would be beautiful.

And instead, I found something... better.